the truth

the truth is i miss having a mother. having a person to call anytime of the day or night. a person i can be ugly, angry, unreasonable, babyish, whinny, whatever with. someone who loves me regardless. someone with big, dry, sturdy shoulders. someone who welcomed and still welcomes growth in her life. someone who's brave enough to admit she doesn't know everything. someone who's brave enough to stick through tough times. someone with a great smile and laughter. who doesn't take herself too seriously. someone who chides me for not being good at keeping in touch. someone who reminds me of the importance of cherishing and keeping good friends in and for life. sometimes i want someone else to play fortress. sometimes i want to be weak. break down and cry. sometimes i hate her for depriving me of all of this. there is a giant within me. and sometimes this giant cries like a baby. i rock it. i rock it back to sleep.